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Not a Servant...

I am under a spell. Changed. Altered. Objectified.

Sometimes I am unsure. Of course. Because I am only human.

But mostly I know that I can be my own and someone else’s at the same time. Surrender to another is also a kind of self-possession.

so what am I?

A worrier and a warrior

Maybe a fool

Brutally honest.

Or I will try to be.

Perhaps I have better things to be honest about, other concerns, other wolves in the forest. But I can’t bring inspiration to heel, I can’t ask anything else of it and writing only works if it’s brutally honest. That is also true of submission, and of battle. To submit is to say, I think I know what I deserve. And to be honest. To dominate is to say, I think I know what I deserve. And to take it.

Submission means to make yourself a vessel. To make one’s status equivalent to that of a vessel in an ordinary sense is difficult. Making the self an object involves a lot of complex ideas about the self. A vessel is an object, something hollow a cup or a bowl, a vase. Sometimes a vessel is biological, a blood vessel, the vessels in the heart and lung, the gems nestled inside an orange. A vessel is something to receive, that is filled and offered for filling

Through submission, you can turn yourself into something occupied by another’s will. You accept, as an implicit requirement of this desire, that you will be someone of unequal status. Reverence implies status. It is impossible to be an object and declare anything, but as a submissive, I am an object with desires, and I declare them through the submission.

To submit means you know your worth, to offer the self to domination. The offering marks the self as something with value. To be sexual with domination is not safe. But, really what else are you supposed to do with Love?

( And what is safe anyway? )

( How is that not a come on? )

To become Love’s vessel means I resolve to meet Love at the level at which Love exists, which implies Love is separate from me, either through elevation or degradation. To submit to Love suggests that Love is dominating. Domination renders all other things objects, it thus objectifies; submission is one complicated example.

Submission entering the state of a vessel involves a transition from one world to the next, which requires a token action. Kneeling. Kissing the palms of the hands. Following a command, something simple: Sit, strip, taste my spit. A ritual, like a spell.

Domination makes the rest of the world fall away, replaces it with Itself.

Masochism: A disorder in the body of Love. what am i? A creature, given with permission. Not a servant.

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